This past year I have been undergoing the battle of trying to find the right antidepressant medication for me. I am now on trial number three. When you’re not feeling well in the first place, the last thing you want is to mess around with all sorts of medications that give you crappy side effects. But I assure you there is light at the end of the tunnel. When you finally find the right one for you, a light bulb will come on and you will notice the effects of having a right mind, a good feeling inside and a better outlook in life.
Before I started taking the med I felt tired all the time. No amount of coffee or Mt. Dew could make me feel energized what so ever. I was never like this; before I had my children I was full of energy and very athletic. But as most of you know, children can take lots of energy from a mother, but also while in the womb they flush your system out and soak up all of the necessary things for them to survive and grow. Especially your body’s vitamins and estrogen. So this is the first effect I noticed from my medication, which was energy and rejuvenation. I didn’t have to drag myself out of bed and wind myself up for the “different day, same shit” attitude. Now I’m up with a smile on my face and loving life.
Even though I have been through so much in my rollercoaster life, it doesn’t mean that I have the right to mope around all day and have a poor me negative attitude that just brings everyone down. The second effect of this medication and a little bit of a boost from a friend that has been in the same predicament (surrounding yourself with positive people is very good reinforcement) was, I noticed that I had a better sense of coping/dealing with issues. My children didn’t deserve a mother that didn’t feel that complete happiness in her soul or someone that just painted on faces for those days’ activities. They, including myself, deserved the real thing. I mean, you’re going to have the good and bad days; for example, when my mother calls and all’s she wants to talk about is how her life sucks because her once drug addicted husband(my stepfather) is jobless and their broke, and for the millionth time tells you that she is going to come visit you and the kids but I already know it’s a lie and she’s going to come up with some stupid excuse I have already heard over and over the next day why she couldn’t come down. I will always have this in my life and it will always hurt but now that I’m taking this medication I have found a way to cope and deal with it without letting it ruin mine or my families day.
The last effect that this has on me is one of the many but is probably the most important. Even though I have taken the med for a while and I’m feeling good, doesn’t mean I can stop taking it and be able to continue on feeling good because I absolutely cannot. For me to be so dependent on something and knowing that when I wake up in the morning for the rest of my life I will have to take something to make me feel myself, well, so be it. I see it as it’s not only making me feel good but its giving the lost pieces of me back that I have lost through the years and If I have to put an a reminder on my daily planner to take it every day or strategically place it by my tooth brush and make up then I will. I’ll do anything to keep myself under control because I love my life and my family.
If I just keep in mind of who I was before I was taking it; feeling exhausted and drained all day, ok one minute and crying the next, letting the bad days and negative people control my life. I remember that I really don’t want to feel like that again for my health’s sake and for the sake of my family. The reason I feel better in the first place is because of the medication so I will continue on with my happy self because I am in control of me now!
