Graph #19

                Holy crap! Are you serious?? To be honest with you, I don’t think I could ever write a “good” 5 paragraph essay in just 60 minutes. The other essays that I have wrote for this class literally took me at least 1 day. I would read it over and over, critiquing and changing it 10 thousand times until I was somewhat satisfied with it. I am not good with words; I sometimes put paragraphs out of order and add a lot of crap that probably shouldn’t even be in there. So writing a 5 paragraph essay to me sounds very intimidating, it makes my heart race and my mind fill with many busy thoughts! I wish I were more prepared because as of right now I’m thinking how is Mr. Goldfine ever going to like this essay compared to all of the other essays he probably never liked either! So what’s the deal doc’? You had better prescribe me some frickin’ good meds (or yourself, considering you’ll be the one reading it) because this one’s going to be a bad one! 

Essay #4

How can I put this? You know the expression “ya got shit in one hand and want in the other? See which one piles up faster!” Well in my case they seemed to both pile up pretty damn fast. Comparing the kid’s biological father to “shit”, my first love, and my first break up! The kids step father i would place with the “want”, which was the good guy who’d do anything for me and my kids, not money wise because he didn't have any but the love and care he offered was worth so much more. Don’t get me wrong they are the 2 most intelligent men I know, graduating at the top of their class, but there’s a fine line between intelligence and common sense! They both had one thing in common; they shared the role of being a father to my beautiful babies at some point or other and both were in a relationship with me. Matt may be a biological weekend warrior; per say “Father” a short buff tan man who perceives to be strong on the outside but in all actuality very weak on the inside. He does not know how to discipline or show any kind of human like feelings.  On the other hand, Jacob spends day in day out teaching them right from wrong, reading them stories, giving them baths, tucking them in, and spending quality loving time with them.  Jacob and Matt are two totally different people, where as it kills matt to outwardly express his feelings, instead runs and hides like a coward, and Jacob lets you know exactly how he feels, he genuinely cares about others feelings. Jacob has honestly earned that 5 letter word, even though not biologically their father, but he’s definitely there “Daddy”.  In summation, point being that anyone can be a father but it takes dedication, devotion and love to be a dad.

                Why? I may ask myself many times, did I have the capability of being with a man that constantly disappointed me time after time. I knew I loved matt, and had a strong forgivingness towards him, but why? Maybe I thought someday he would miraculously grow out of the lying and cheating, grow up and finally be the father he was supposed to be and hopefully someday be the perfect little family I had envisioned. Having known someone for many years, the first man I had ever loved and gave myself to and in the end not really deeply knowing the person at all. The man may be a veteran and all but he used the system for the wrong reasons. He was always the type of guy who never dealt with his issues and instead he thought by escaping them would make them disappear. Well he was wrong because by the time he came back he was still the father of them 2 children no matter what. In my head I wanted to desperately remind him that the years that have past had been a growing up point in my life where I chose to take responsibility and provide for my kids, meaning working my butt off to support them and actively be involved in giving them my unconditional love. I wanted him to realize that he just left me high and dry, but no matter how much I tried pounding it into his head he still refused to take responsibility and gave up most of his weekends with kids to go partying and pawned the kids off to his parents. What a man huh? You’d think coming back from war he’d have a better sense of family values but he didn’t and it absolutely infuriates me.

                Eventually, coming out of my indecisiveness of completely shutting this man out of my life I realized all along that all this time that I just wanted someone to see what love and joy my beautiful children can actually bring to a person and he was there all along. I made the mistake of treating him like I had been treated, but it wasn’t purposely to hurt him, but it did. I made him feel exactly how I felt and I’m ashamed of it. Jacob loved me and he adored the kids. Both of their first words were “dada” of course and who exactly do you think they were talking about! Yes, the one that was there day in and day out giving them love, playing with them and teaching them. He loved all of us unconditionally and would never do anything to hurt us. I have complete trust in him that he would never dream of lying or cheating on me. Down the road further he fought for them in court like a true man, he stepped up for them which in result was granted “Defacto-Parent” which pretty much means he’s earned the role and same exact rights and decision making just as if he was their biological father, considering the fact he had been with them since birth and provided for them just as much and more than their father had. We tried the adoption rout but god forbid their father be looked down upon by his peers, this tough soldier giving up the rights of his kids to another man, no way he’d rather still have the right of being their father and ignore the responsibilities he was supposed to have for them. His high class family, who played a big part in caring for the kids on his so called weekends, while in his mind, had better things to do. Even while he was overseas they took the part of taking them every other weekend just so that their grandchildren would still know who they were at least.

                We are the ones that teach the kids that it is important to learn in school, have routines, discipline and be able to make the right decision at difficult times. In our family it is very important to us that we all eat together at the supper table and it is that time that we talk about our day, discuss the things the kids have learned at school and congratulate them for their new knowledge. They look forward to us being proud of them for trying a new food, sleeping in their beds like big kids, drawing a pretty picture or even just out of the blue giving us a great big hug and saying how much they love us. We together as a team, taught them those things not anyone else.

                I look at how disconnected the kids father is and how much of their lives he is missing. But you know what, he made that choice himself and it would of been unhealthy for the kids to never know what the true love of a father meant. Someday, when he’s an old man sitting alone with nobody to talk to he will realize that the decision he made with his children was a huge mistake and that he is a complete and total loser, he made his bed and now he has to lay in it by himself. Karma comes back and bites hard, and I’m not so sure if I will feel one ounce of sadness for him because Jacob and I will be reaping in all the benefits of overwhelming love of our children and grandbabies. It goes to show, if you work hard at something all of your life by molding, nurturing and loving, in the end you are the richest person in the world. You did what you were set on this earth to do and succeeded. 

Intro #2 to contrast essay

       Here’s a man of the ARMY, one who fights for his country. He’s a warrior over sea’s at battle in life threatening encounters. He’s an engineer by day and a civilian sniper by night. What exactly is going on in his mind when he gets just a few hours of shut eye or a minute of peace? Is it his family back home? Is it his kids? OR is it his selfish thoughts of himself? After seeing so many men die and so many men absolutely cherish their wives and children, don’t you think that would trigger some sort of priority in his life! NOO it doesn’t, it never had any affect what so ever! He went into the Marines as a coward and came back out exactly the same. Mathew John Savage was still the same heartless, selfish, and arrogant bastard he always was. In the beginning he made me think he was such a wonderful person, spent tons of time with me and told me he loved me. All of the girls wanted him; he was the full package deal with a perfectly fit body, naturally tan, played all of the sports AND he was very intelligent. Me being a junior in high school and him a senior I was soon to find out that he had other plans then to be tied down to someone, especially after I nervously told him that I was pregnant and then the very next day, see that he had a new arm candy. I was devastated; he put me through hell and didn’t care to hide it anymore. I could tell he had hid her on the back burner for a while and that hurt even more because in reality I didn’t even know who that person was anymore. So I thought to myself, I’m going to get that jerk back. So I started dating Jacob. He was the total opposite of matt; it was like night and day. He had bright blue eyes, straight white teeth, and everyone called him baby face. He was very intelligent, number 1 of our class, very shy but also very sensitive to other people’s feelings. He on the other hand was very excited that I was going to be having a baby and loved her already. So not realizing that this relationship was first aiming at revenge and now finding that I was actually falling in love with Jacob. When I actually started developing these feelings for Jacob that’s when of course, Matt started calling me from Hawaii, mind you while he was home on break I become pregnant AGAIN!, I had decided that I wasn’t going to do it anymore. He didn’t care about me, he didn’t care about the kids, and it was just a big game to him. I was done hurting Jacob and thankfully he forgave me because he was the one that was there for the kids, not Matt. He cared for them, he was there “daddy” and they loved him and knew no difference. These two men may share the same children the same responsibilities as a father and may have loved me at the same time one point or another, but it’s how they each individually dealt with the kids or I and how their different personalities, values and morals lead me to choosing one over the other.

Outro to contrast essay

I look at how disconnected the kids father is and how much of their lives he is missing. But you know what, he made that choice himself and it would of been unhealthy for the kids to never know what the true love of a father meant. Someday, when he’s an old man sitting alone with nobody to talk to he will realize that the decision he made with his children was a huge mistake and that he is a complete and total loser, he made his bed and now he has to lay in it by himself. Karma comes back and bites hard, and I’m not so sure if I will feel one ounce of sadness for him because Jacob and I will be reaping in all the benefits of overwhelming love of our children and grandbabies. It goes to show, if you work hard at something all of your life by molding, nurturing and loving, in the end you are the richest person in the world. You did what you were set on this earth to do and succeeded. 

Intro #1 to contrast essay (edited)

   How can I put this? You know the expression “ya got shit in one hand and want in the other? See which one piles up faster!” Well in my case they seemed to both pile up pretty damn fast. Comparing the kids biological father to “shit”, my first love, and my first break up because the selfish bastard cheated and decides on a whim to vanishes into the ARMY to “escape”, not once, but twice after impregnating me! The kids step father i would place with the “want”, which was the good guy who’d do anything for me and my kids, not money wise because he didn't have any but the love and care he offered was worth so much more. Don’t get me wrong they are the 2 most intelligent men I know, graduating at the top of their class, but there’s a fine line between intelligence and common sense! They both had one thing in common; they shared the role of being a father to my beautiful babies and at some point or other both were in a relationship with me. Matt may be a biological weekend warrior; per say “Father” a short buff tan man who perceives to be strong on the outside but in all actuality very weak on the inside. He does not know how to discipline or show any kind of human like feelings.  On the other hand, Jacob spends day in day out teaching them right from wrong, reads them stories, gives them baths, tucks them in, spends quality loving time with them.  Jacob and Matt are two totally different people, where as it kills matt to outwardly express his feelings, instead runs and hides like a coward, and Jacob lets you know exactly how he feels, always says “I love you” at the end of every phone call and genuinely cares about others feelings. Jacob has honestly earned that 5 letter word, even though not biologically their father, but he’s there “Daddy”. In summation, point being that anyone can be a father but it takes dedication, devotion and love to be a dad.

1st Intro to contrast essay-deleted

Essay #2

                Behind the scenes, beyond those two swinging double doors is what really goes on in a waitress’s home away from home. Where I felt most comfortable in expressing my true feelings or venting out my frustrations, thoughts and errors. Passing through the doors with a big sigh of relief, finally, a break from my very unreal unwanted smile I portrayed to the people I absolutely despise, and being able to be myself for two seconds. Don’t get me wrong, I had my favorites and I loved most of my customers. In a small town like this you know exactly who is coming in before they even park their cars. You know who will be there in the morning to grab a quick bite before they head off to work, and the same ol’ folks that scarf their lunches while getting the new buzz that’s going around town or debating on some political dispute.

 My co-workers pretty much know my past, my present and my hopes for the future. In some cases I was forced to hear the same about them and some of their stories can be a little bit to revealing and awkward. Typically, as a waitress there’s usually at least one person you can call a “good friend”. Someone that I could trust with all of my secrets about who I thought was scum or the rich cutie that just left me a whopping 60 dollar tip with his number sketched on the back of the slip. We just clicked. If she scratched my back I would scratch hers, we appreciated it and made good money together.

On the down side, that good friend of mine didn’t work as much as I did. Which meant, when I picked up a shift that i normally wouldn’t, that’s when I got stuck with the “goofy girl”. She was always messing up orders and ticking off the kitchen crew. She was slow as a snail, I had no choice but to pick up the slack and clean up her messes. She wasn’t necessarily mean but not very nice either, and she sure thought she was a good waitress. Ha, little did she know. Usually before the night was over I had enough and exchanged a few words behind the scenes, involving a few swears. I still made some pretty good money because she would abandon her tables. I still don’t understand how she kept her position, when she did such a crappy job.

 Then no matter what, you always have that one certain guy that likes to think he’s the “cat’s meow”. He would always flirt with me, and somehow or other find a way to make my face beet red. Even if it meant raising his eye brows and smooching up his lips as the boss turns away for that split second.  I cannot find a reason in my head as to why I liked his compliments or what exactly attracted me to him. It could have easily became something more but I knew it would ruin the whole excitement of coming into work and desperately holding myself back from the fantasy of “mistakenly” locking ourselves in the stock room on that slow rainy day, and well, you can probably figure out what would happen next. But I couldn’t, I just couldn’t, and now I’ll never know.

Despite all of the crappy, ignorant and cheap customers, I still had the ones that I loved and they kept me going. But I wanted more, I hadn’t lived my life to the fullest and I couldn’t stop there! So I moved on and put in many hours of training to assist adults with developmental disabilities to become more independent by offering guidance and support for daily living activities, self-help, and social skills. I also took a C.R.M.A  (certified residential medication administrator) course and continued on in studying to be a Nursing Tech. I married a handsome man, had 3 kids and bought a house. It doesn’t stop there either, within the next few years I will become a Registered Nurse. Who knows if that’s where it will end but I do know that someday (I can see it now) I will be sitting in that little dinner waiting to see that old good friend of mine, knowing that all the ones that once thought they were better than me are sitting there with their ears tuned in, and the others that I loved anxiously waiting to hear the new buzz. Out of the corner of my eye that same ol’ flirty guy gives me a wink through the windows of the double doors and my good friend sits down beside me with two cups of coffee and asks “How the heck are you!?” and “Where the heck have you been!?”